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Jan. 19th, 2006 @ 12:21 am
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Jason and I are dating.
He is so incredibly awesome!
I talked to him for 3 hours tonight
and I couldn't even tell you what it was about.
I left our date on Friday
completely up to him
and he decided we would go iceskating.
How adorable is that?
Dinner too. Can't go wrong
when there's food involved :)

I feel like a stupid little
high school girl in love.
This is ridiculous.
I can't stop smiling!

This is such a weird feeling
but, I don't hate it.
Oct. 29th, 2005 @ 02:31 pm
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Do not tell me I don't understand.
Do not tell me that I have no clue what it's like.
Because I could write a book
on the stupid shit.
You moron.

I am sick of all the people I'm seeing through.
I'm frustrated with always being the strong one.

I love you to death, but please don't deal with your problems
by projecting them onto me
because frankly, the world is a bit heavy
for my shoulders right now.

My silence is the result of my fear.
And your guilt seems to be the driving force
behind you "hibernating" in your office
with the door shut tight and the lights switched off.
I've got news for you.
Your office has windows.
And I have eyes.
So when you stare at me, I can stare right back.
And turning off the lights
won't blacken the room enough
to hide the look on your face.


p.s.

I hope you don't like your job. You won't have it much longer.
Sep. 5th, 2005 @ 01:40 am
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It was so cold in the middle of the road
I thought our lips would freeze
but you gave me your sweatshirt and kissed me anyway
and star above the white corner house saw everything.




What an AMAZING night.
Aug. 4th, 2005 @ 12:49 am
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I haven't updated this thing in a while. I think I need to start doing that more.

I'm leaving for vacation in 3 days.
I was talking to the girl I'm going on vacation with
and apparently we have full swing conditioning
starting 3 days after we return.
Meaning...
I have about 20 days
to lose 15 pounds
and get in the best shape of my life.
Wish me luck.

Amanda is starting to grow on me
but it doesnt matter, because summer is over
and she is a little whore at school
and I won't deal with that hah.
I could never -be with her-
our personalities aren't very compatibile
I need someone who talks more. and laughs more.
She's got that deer-in-headlights look going on
like she's afraid.

I want to go back to school, because I'm sick of looking at the same tired, bitter faces every day here.
I want to be at Geneva.
I want to be with the girls from my house.
I miss them so much, but I know our visits will be limited
due to the fact that they will all be living in a housing complex a mile from the school and I am in an apartment building with all incoming freshman.
Lucky me.

But then again, the thought of returning frightens me.
A lot.
I'm scared out of my mind to face the softball team
my coach
the athletic department in general really.
I'm out of shape for softball. Terribly out of shape.
And they are expecting so much out of me this year.
So much more than is physically possible.

Ross still wants to talk to me about the whole "gay" thing.
Nothing good can possibly come from that.

Atleast my life will be made easier now that Julie is gone and I won't have to keep thinking about what our children will look like once we are married.
And Ross is the new coach, and she is the poster-dyke at Geneva.
I'm pretty sure Jackie is playing too, and she's pretty much out.
Focus is off of me, kids.
Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 02:00 am
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I never thought I'd see the day
where 15 years is "just a baby"
and life-long careers are semesters away

The sunrise isnt beautiful anymore
because it brings a brand new day of work
surrounded by people that I tolerate
because I have to.
I haven't seen the sun in months.
Just the fluorescently lit hell,
commonly referred to as a grocery store
Where the same people walk up and down the same aisles
day after day
thinking that one day things might change.

And why can't we ever notice things have changed until we look back and realize that nothing is the same.
May. 20th, 2005 @ 01:10 am
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I just took 5 psychology quizzes.
I am beat.
5 more to go.

The chances of us going to the club are slim.
We have no one to drive.
Sara is too cool to call me back
so screw her.
Krysten MIGHT be able to drive
she said she'd call me back tomorrow
plus she won't get home from work until 10
10 might be too late
this is so complicated.
I tried to convince my mother I was an adult
apparently, age means nothing.

Are we still on for running??

May 17-22
Free Week at Healthtrax

COME WITH ME
May. 15th, 2005 @ 03:28 pm
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Feeling: artisticartistic
I went to church with my residence director from school today.
what a freakin awesome girl.
This church is so amazing
First of all, it is a brand new church.
The pastor is what like, 35 years old?
I didn't even feel like I was at church
I almost felt like I was at a concert
all of the teenagers there, with the exception of 3 preppy girls
had piercings and dyed hair and all that jazz
There were like 4 gay couples, one of which was two little 11 or 12-year-old girls
They couldn't have been any older than my little brother
Oh my goodness were they adorable.
They held hands the entire time.
There was a girl that sat in front of me
if she wasn't gay, then no one is.
Short spikey dyed blonde hair
very punkish, not necessarily my type.
But cute, nonetheless.

Lisa and I went to Caribou Coffee
Then we were lured into Z Gallery, where I had to do everything in my power
not to break something.
That place makes me feel so poor
800 dollars for a wooden table, and 200 additional dollars for each of the 4 chairs.
I never thought color schemes and fabric would whip me into a verbal frenzy
But, alas.

On a final note,
the church is in the exact room as Gay Bingo.
Ironic?
May. 1st, 2005 @ 12:26 am
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My hair is down
for the first time in 3 months
It is past the middle of my back.
I can't believe it
It must be 15 inches
Atleast.

I filled out the eharmony.com personality test
to see who I could be romantically matched with
in the pittsburgh area.
It said I do not match with anyone
and the test apologized that it could not be of service to me.
I failed a personality test.
I am officially...pathetic. haha.

I'm watching Ali.
It's a good movie.
You should watch it.
Apr. 17th, 2005 @ 11:35 pm
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Feeling: soresore
I give up on trying to have friends.
It doesn't work.

I have no objection to staying in bed and avoiding all human contact for the remaining three weeks I am here.

Rousseau's "Profession of Faith of a Savoyard Vicar" is not only long and difficult, but on my quiz at 8am tomorrow morning.

I'm so sick of this school.
Of this town.
When the most "happening" place is Walmart,
and the pizza shop down the street with bullet holes through the windows only sells drugs,
your community has a problem.

Have you ever gotten so angry and frustrated that you just wanted to kick something?
I have.

My reward:
5 hours in the emergency room
and a broken foot.
Apr. 9th, 2005 @ 10:44 pm
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Feeling: irritatedirritated
Friend (n.)
a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts; a person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

It appears as if some people are having trouble with this concept lately. Perhaps they will get dictionaries for Christmas this year.

I hate when people say "You've really changed."
Of course I have changed.
I've been gone for a year.
Did you expect me to remain a naive seventeen-year-old for the rest of my life?

That's right. I've changed.
And I've left you behind.
Be bitter. You have my permission.
But I hope that through all of this, you will grow up.
This isn't high school.
Get some insight into the world you are living in.
Believe it or not, there is more to life than just hair color and piercings and who is dating who and why.
Focus your minds for five seconds on something not shown on MTV.
Please.

Just because I've changed the way I look at things and it doesn't agree with your stereotypical, preconceived views of the world, doesn't mean that I have been brainwashed. It means my mind has been opened up. I chose to accept it. Nothing was forced upon me. There may be a time when I ask for your opinion on something, but until then, keep your mouth shut.

Until you understand something, you have absolutely no right to criticize anything about it.
And as far as I'm concerned, I am happier now.
I don't need you. You may leave.

I know what I want. I know what I'm living for. And I'm living for me. Not you.

I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.

Have a good night.